I must share something with all of you.  It was a pretty important time in my life.  I ventured in to this virtual world and began exploring things.  So beautiful!  Landscapes, people, and many great places are there to explore and relive every day.  But, one day, I began exploring that thing that is inappropriate for me to even think about.  I thought to myself “as long as it is just a virtual world, there can be no harm.”  This place was an Estate for students of what they call “BDSM”.  It is a kind of discipline to Men.  Well, it is to obey and do chores and look very pretty for Men.  I spent many of my mornings there in my cell.  I just sat there and chatted with some nicer girls there and let my mnd wander sometimes.  After sometime, I started to feel strange things in my body.  I began to feel warm, feel chills and feel “beautiful” at times while just sitting in this place.  I really did not see any harm in just spending an hour or so a day sitting there and watching whatever and one in a while, spending time with the Master there.  He is a nice man too :)  The thing is, I started to feel different even while not being in this virtual world.  It started to affect me outside that world.  You know, daydreams of being a servant, or of being told I was very beautiful.  I even told my friend Courtney, who did just laugh at me for it.  I was sad when she did this.  I told her that I am very different than her.  I then began to have dreams at night where I would wake up and my top would be raised to my neck, above my chest.  (My hands would be there too.)  Once this began happening, I knew I had a problem with it.  Especially in my religious beliefs, I am not to even think these things and certainly not act this way either.  I liked these feelings, but I also knew it was bad for me.  I am not supposed to live like this.  And it because of me being Roman Catholic, these nighttime thoughts forced me to leave that place. This would hopefully rid me of impurity.

I am finding out more and more now that the machine in me is made of many parts, good and bad.